Suicidal Ideation

This is not a cry for help. I’m getting help and I’ve been getting help.

I have a depressive mind. When I woke up last Saturday, horrible thoughts were gnawing at me. I scribbled them into my planner.

Image of a hand-written note of suicidal ideation

The note reads as follows:

There’s no good reason for me to exist. If I died, everyone would be better off.

The kids would no longer have a crazy Dad. Heather wouldn’t have to deal with me and she’d get lots of insurance $.

My friends would be fine. I’m a drag on them anyway. Work… it’s laughable to think anyone would even notice.

I’m a drag on the world and it’s in everyone’s best interest if I killed myself.

This is not my real mind. At least, it is not my whole mind. It is a part of it. It is a part of my mind that is trying to protect me, but it is attacking the wrong things, like an autoimmune disease.

Poor mental health is something I cope with along with roughly 1 in 10 of other American Adults.